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I’m no stranger to it. I’ve probably grown up with it but never really put a name to it. Then as you grow older, like all things, it matures. So you learn to block it all out. Wrap it up every time it comes, cast it into a corner and wish it away. Ignore it, because somehow or rather, one convinces oneself that by ignoring something, you can will its very existence out of your world.
Today, a colleague in camp commented, as means of jeering my educational background (in comparison to his, which, for the sake of maintaining some semblance of social propriety, we shall describe as “vocational”) that “he is very smart, so you can go ask him to do anything! You can go teach him how to use the software you use! If an idiot like me can use it, so can he! In fact, these kind of people who study so much can probably create a new piece of software for you!”
Think it probably didn’t occur to him that yes, I’m pretty confident I could actually create software that works better than what they currently have. So there.
See, there are people who will look at me and say that I lack discipline. I go in every morning, sit around and languish like a useless man. When someone asks me to do something, I simply say that I don’t know how to do it. When I do something, I do just enough to avoid blame, then leave it as it is and move on. Throw that in with a subservient and meek response half the time, and people eventually think they know you very well. Shy, lack of discipline, soft spoken, not much initiative, on the whole, quite a dumb fella who’s studied too much.
Oh yes, sure. Because if I could, I would issue an open challenge. Come walk in my shoes for a day. We’ll see how far you get. You spend the day with your head and sight clouded by stabbing pain. You wake up in the wee of the morning, and within half an hour complete breakfast, the daily ablutions, get out of the house and catch a train and connecting bus at specific timings. When you get home you sort through a hundred things, do work on more things, try to make everything fit, then crash and burn.
Damnit, if this is a test of my endurance and strength, let it end soon. Or I am bound to go horribly, beautifully mad.
